Daddy & Nap Time
After lunch today I dropped off my husband and kids at the house and took off to run errands. My husband wants to watch baseball, but I figure the kids will get a minimal amount of care. Running errands sans children is what we mothers call “me time.” I was gone roughly two hours and aside from forgetting to stop for gas I had a pleasant time. The grocery store was being remodeled so the aisles were a complete mess and it was super crowded. I also forgot to bring my reusable bags into the store (they’re required here). None of that mattered because I didn’t have any whiny children!
I get home and my husband says it’s the calm after the storm. Both kids had been complaining nonstop and his mother called and refused to get off the phone. He says he has no idea how I do it. I ask where the kids are.
“I don’t know.”
Um. “Shouldn’t you at least know where the baby is?” No answer. I check the living room floor. No baby.
I find him in the crib. That’s good. Now where’s the other one? I check her room. Her pillows are all on the floor but she’s not in there. I check our bedroom. No hyper two-year old jumping on the bed. Our bathroom door is shut and I hear banging or movement or something. Uh oh.
I open the door to find her playing with her Bjorn potty. Not using it mind you, but trying to pick up the whole thing or take it apart or god knows what. I ask her if she needs to pee, she says yes and we do that. I also find that her underwear is wet. I go to grab new pants/underwear and the boy starts crying. I yell for my husband to get her some pants so I can deal with the baby. I grab the baby and head to the kitchen, but putting him in the high chair just makes him more pissed off. He just needs to nurse and nap.
Shit! I just forgot that I have two perishables in the grocer bag which have not been put away. I try to get them out one-handed, but that’s taking too long as they’re at the very bottom of the bag, covered by a layer of baby food jars. I put the baby on the floor and get the stuff in the fridge/freezer. I pick him up right before he manages to get to the cat’s dish.
My husband comes in and informs me that our daughter has kicked and slapped him away and is demanding Mommy, so I hand the boy to him. I find V crying pantless in our bedroom. I get her clothed and tell her to get her blankie and one animal to nap with. Then I go pee because this will be my last chance for several hours. Unfortunately, she comes in to see me peeing and wants to go too. Except that she’s already peed and can’t. This leads to a meltdown on the potty because she can’t go but doesn’t want to get off until she’s peed. Meanwhile I can hear the baby crying in the other room. I have to threaten a time out just to get her off the potty, but she’s still flipping out. I place her on the bed but she’s stuck in a loop of “have to go pee pee!” This will agitate the boy. This will not do.
I get the boy and sure enough he starts freaking out about her crying. I lay down on the bed to nurse him to sleep, and ask her to snuggle. It doesn’t work. Her brain is stuck. I grab her and bring her close and that works. The only problem is that now I have to move her back over. I sneak out as soon as she’s asleep, so I can’t very well have her sleeping ON me. After much coaxing I get her back to her side. Kinda. She always wants “snuggle” which really means that I need to be touching her somehow. This would be easy if I wasn’t also nursing the boy on the other side. So I have to lie on my left side to nurse, but also kinda lean to the right enough that I can hold her hand on the opposite side. It’s not the most comfortable arrangement.
I need a drink.