Ass + U + Me

My husband gets dirty looks at the grocery store when he’s with our daughter. The first time it happened we were together, but I had stepped away to another aisle. When I came back he asked, “Do I have something on my face?” When I told him no he said women were giving him looks. We shrugged it off. It happens consistently though, and always the same age group. Older women smile at him, the twenty-somethings don’t register his existence, and the middle range give him looks of utter contempt. We’ve tried to figure it out to no avail. Then last Saturday my husband had an idea. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring.

We both have rings, or had rings. My husband lost his a year into our marriage, which is longer than he gave himself credit for. The band was simple, plain white gold and my husband liked to joke that he got it that way so he could have spares in case he lost it. He kept the ring on his desk and as far as we can figure out the cat probably knocked it into the trash. We searched the room and the trash to no avail. We haven’t replaced it either. While it may have been a very simple band, rings cost money and they’re really a luxury. It just hasn’t been worth it to get a new one. Besides, he’d probably just lose it again anyway.

Perhaps the ring makes him look like a divorcee or homewrecker or something, though we should really get a dummy ring to verify this theory. It’s quite annoying to think that people could be judging my husband due to his simple lack of a ring. But to all those women out there giving looks like this…

It’s none of your damn business so butt out.

You know what they say about assumptions.

My little sister has gotten looks like this several times in her life. Once as a teenager she went to Disneyland with family. She got dirty looks for pushing the stroller containing my stepmother’s nephew. People saw her and assumed she was a teenage mother. When she was dating her future husband she got looks from Hispanic girls and rude remarks about how she was “stealing one of their men.” She wanted to turn and yell the truth at them “He’s not even Hispanic! He’s French Vietnamese!”

Does it really matter? Shouldn’t we be more tolerant than that? Shouldn’t we not make assumptions about people we don’t even know?

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